Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
