i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think your dad took our porno
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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