Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
