he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
