Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
