haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
