What did we do last night that was yellow?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
