Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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