I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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