maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
