i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
