So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
