They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
