this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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