someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
