Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
