so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
