i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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