I think im going to throw up on grandma
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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