the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
