I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
