remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
