I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
