Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
