Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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