walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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