she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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