i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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