I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
