The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
