I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
