just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
