I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
