i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
