ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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