WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
