I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
