that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
