I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
