Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
