Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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