Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We are all done wearing pants today
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