I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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