the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
