I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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