I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Damn victory sex feels great
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