I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
