AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
