i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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