it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
