I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
