I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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