well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i came on her dog
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
